Seeing through the Smog.


Oh God not another self indulgent, woe is me, bloody blog about the D-word! 

Well yes and hopefully no. It is of course about me,my thoughts, ideas, influences and one of the things that I am, is a person that, like many others . suffers from mood swings. I know that many will suffer more and many more will suffer less. I know some will care deeply and others care less. I just felt that 4 years after intending to start a blog I ought to settle down and do something about it, so here goes.

So why Pea-Souper? 
Hmmm, well I read a lot of the online “self help/save me I’m lost” type web sites looking for solutions to my “Problem”, one of them asked about how you describe your lowest mood, a popular one being the “black dog” first referenced by Winston Churchill when describing his own mood swings.

I never feel like my feelings are divorced from me and existing in another being like that, I see mine as a struggle to see, to see a way through, to see answers,solutions or conclusions. I gather that’s a very male thing,solving it, sorting it, working it out, so when I can’t see it I imagine it  feels like I am losing sight, my view blocked by a smog, the deeper the low the thicker the smog, at my lowest ? “A Real  Pea-Souper”. This is how Londoner’s used to refer to the dense clouded cover that would fall upon cities like theirs in 1950’s Britain, a fog so thick you could almost imagine cutting holes in it with a knife. Of course as mood improves I feel the fog thinning and lifting, when it’s gone I’m on song, pumped, keen ready for action, rejuvenated reborn, fan-bloody-tastic! 

Oh dear; calm down son!

So I intend to write thoughts, ideas, poems, bit’s of prose, the odd image probably, we shall see. I will be linking to sites that have information, advice or just fun stuff about mental health in its broadest possible meaning. I have been an online advocate for several sites and my twitter will show a large number of MH charities, organisations and support groups as well as my interest in Autism ( inspired by a phenomenal blog I found). Dogs ( I am a volunteer puppy socialiser for Hearing Dogs UK).

There will be an underlying theme of mood, and it may well drive the bulk of content. My personal hope is that it will prove cathartic and that it will help me connect with people, something that my condition is preventing me from doing as I would wish. If others get something from it that will be a bonus, and my G.P will be pleased as he has been suggesting I write for a very long time! 

For the first posting I will add a piece of “poetry” (I use the word loosely I know) and an image I borrowed from the internet and a borrowed quote attached to it.

I tweet occasionally and you can follow me by clicking on the link below, I will tweet each new entry. 

If you’ve read this, then thank you, hope it was okay, if so add me on twitter or link to the site, and thanks again.


I’m sorry for being


I’m sorry for being
The one you are dealing
With today’s day after today

I’m sorry for being
Quite so unappealing
So incomplete and ineffably fey

I’m sorry for being
Morose and mouth-mealing
And particularly poor at the play

I’m sorry for being
Weak willed, worse; unfeeling
Unable to accept Agapé
I’m sorry for being
As blank as a the ceiling  
Before Julius II got his way

I’m sorry for being
A partner that’s failing
And only worth throwing away

I’m sorry for being
Dad of recondite feeling
For love of his sons everyday

I’m sorry for being

©Agides

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