Today

Today I walked.
I walked a walk of  ‘what else is there?’
I walked out the door not wanting to walk back in.
I set out to walk the last of walks.
I failed.

I stood, to embark.
Standing. A looseness about my waist.
Breathe in, hard, sharp.
Grabbed.
Each side, pulled together.
Left thumb in buttonhole, right behind lug.
Pull harder.
Left aligns, the right behind.
Slip left  up, push right forward.
Slanted button into hole.
Release, breathe out….

A clack, metal on wood
Finger flicked fluttering coin.
Crescendoed stop.
The gyre gone.
It’s my last walk, pull the belt tight.

Today I slept, ( to sleep?),
To sleep the sleep of’why wake up?’
Laying. Narcoleptic bones in corroding carcass.
To sleep the last of sleep.
I failed.

I lay; to rest.
Drowsing. Apathies ache about my being.
Breathing. shallow, depthless.
Pained
I gulp, swallowed harder.
Seeking the breath of becalm before slumber.
Devitalised
Final plea to Thanatus
Lids descend, gob gapes
Relax, breathe out….

A squeal,.. phonics peal.
Fingers feeling for silence
Bedlam blocked.
Mortem deus denied.
Its not my last sleep.Pull the covers tight.

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